You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
