A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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