She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
