Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
