I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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