my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
