no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
