I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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