id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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