4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
