dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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