Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
