I can text with my tongue
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
