I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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