I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
love makes seman taste better
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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