Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
