Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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