I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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