I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
