I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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