Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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