apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize