Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
