Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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