finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
