it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize