the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
