did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
