You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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