You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
