he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
