Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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