Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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