on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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