i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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