I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
