I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
