Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
