i wish my penis had a tongue
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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