I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
