lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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