so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I supernannyed him into submission
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
