I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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