He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
