I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
