Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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