Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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