things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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