oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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