HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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