Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
